30th January … the saga continues !

Good news is that today the Carpet is being fitted !!!

After 7 months of building work and living out of 2 rooms this is the icing on the cake – the bedrooms are finally having carpet fitted …. I am so excited it is silly but this is such a big step towards getting upstairs some way towards being finished…

I am feeling so so exhausted – generally shattered – everything is so overwhelming … I am constantly worrying about Lucy … she may be 17 years of age but she is and always will be my baby… my love for her is more than I have words for and although I annoy the wotsit out of her most of the time it is without question my job to be the most embarrassing mum EVER !

1st February 2017 … Pinch & a Punch its the first of the month….

2nd Month in the shiny New Year Fingers crossed I get to feel better ….. I really truly do not know what to do – What is this bloody lump on my neck – It doesn’t seem to get too much bigger – well not outwardly anyway. The blood tests came back okay but what they tested I am not really sure about … I have no idea what this bloody lump is … by writing about this by putting down my thoughts and fears I am tempting fate for the outcome to be the worst possible ….

I can carry on date stamping and going through this blog replicating my diary but that is boring and not at all what I am trying to be. I thought that it would be a way of taking someone from the outside on the same journey but I am not at all sure it will achieve that at all .

39 days have passed since the day of my initial diagnosis … 14th March … I pushed so hard to find out what was wrong with me … what was the lump I had on my neck and when I knew boy did I wish I didn’t . I can remember taking the phone call from my consultant – I didn’t cry I just arranged to go and see him to discuss where we went from there… The next call I made was to David & I remember saying ” Ohh my darling you are going to have to be so brave for me because I have cancer …. ” I can’t remember what he said in return but I know that as soon as I told him it became real… My biggest fear was always about how we would tell the children.  That was the bit that would really break my heart..

It does feel strange re visiting these places in my mind going back through the diary

 

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